Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Can't get this out of my head.....

Today in the supermarket we bumped into the husband and son of a friend - someone I was in post-natal group with but who I haven't seen for over a year. Her son is, obviously, the same age as Oscar. Coincidentally we've both been invited to another of the postnatal group's son's birthday party on Saturday so I thought it was great to see them.

The first thing the little boy said to me was "has Oscar changed his behaviour now?" and I had no idea what he meant. And then the husband chirped - "No longer naughty for a start". And the man didn't seem at all embarrased that his son had just said something so rude. And it felt rude - it felt fucking horrible.

And it really pissed me off. And 4 hours later it's STILL pissing me off. For one thing we haven't seen them or really spoken to them for over a year - and I hardly know the husband anyway. Is this the way my "friends" talk about my kid? Behind my back but in front of THEIR children so that's what they say when they see me or Oscar? And his behaviour has never been that bad - it's only really at school he's had a problem and this kid goes to a completely different school. Oscar has always played really nicely with this kid I assumed....I'm actually surprised this kid even remembered Oscar cos Oscar had to be reminded of his name.....

It's really made me angry and I keep replaying it in my head. I didn' t say much when the kid said it cos I was gobsmacked. And couldn't really tell a 6 year old to fuck off and mind his own business. Tempting as it was.....

Yet again I'm disappointed by someone I thought was a friend. Maybe this is the side effect of making too many friends - one thing I have not been short of since parenthood is mummy mates - women I've met through my children who I probably wouldn't have been friends with if not for the shared experience of motherhood. Some of the women I've met and bonded with, I'm sure I would have been friends with anyway if we'd met in another way. This mother I know I wouldn't have - we have nothing in common at all. And I now am reluctant to go to this party on Saturday and I'm angry and I can't shake or ignore this.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Accentuating the positive

Not that there is much. Friday in fact was the day from hell.....but I can't be bothered to recount moment for moment -suffice it to say that it was stress from morn till night - including another run in with the play scheme - I have come to the conclusion that the leader has decided my kids are rotten and nothing will change her mind. She's being unfair and I'm not going to let her bother me.

Rewind a couple of days - on Wednesday Rob had the day off and he had planned to take the boys to the Aquarium - he didn't think it would be a good idea for me with my crutch to come - but then we decided to get the wheelchair we borrowed out, and off we went - I was armed with Tesco vouchers to cover the admission. It was HEAVING - very busy -and when we got to the ticket office we were told the Tesco vouchers, while accepted at all other Sealife attractions, weren't accepted at London. But then, in a wonderful moment, the cashier took pity on us, told me I must have been mistaken and that Toby was obviously only 2 (therefore free) and gave me disabled price (a fraction) and let Rob in for free (as a carer) and so it didn't cost us much at all. I'm eternally grateful to that cashier - true customer based service and I was so grateful!

Although it was busy, the boys loved it. I however discovered how hard it is to be at seat level - people bashed into me, no one let me near the tanks to see, the disabled toilet was broken....I think all able-bodied people should spend a day in a wheelchair - makes you really think about how much easier it is to get around and how aware you should be of people in all situations.

Some photos - no flashes are allowed in the aquarium (though that didn't stop a lot of people, I wouldn't want to blind a fish). So they are a bit dark!

My favourite bit of the day? It started pounding down with rain - the boys had raincoats but Rob and I were in short sleeves - no brolly (getting a wheelchair, a crutch , a picnic bag and the boys stuff together was enough!) so we sheltered under the bridge for a while but ended up getting wet anyway cos of wind and holes in the bridge. So we though - SOD IT - went up onto Charing Cross Railway bridge and Rob RAN as fast as he could, pushing the wheelchair with Toby on my lap and Oz ran hell for leather beside us. I was laughing hysterically as we zoomed across, tourists jumping out of our way. Like being a kid in a go cart....truly brilliant.

And forward to today. Rob's Mum and Gran came down to London - Gran hasn't seen Oscar since he was a baby, has never met Toby and Rob's mum has only met the boys a couple of times. Rob's stepdad came down for the Chelsea game (and can't have been happy with the result!) so Gran and Mum tagged along. Rob and Oscar went up to meet them at Paddington and bring them home. Oscar was SO excited. And so was Toby. Within two minutes Great Gran was reading them The Cat In The Hat.....they had a captive audience to watch them scoot up and down the garden, everyone had a lovely time and there was chocolate cake - what more can you need?
Toby, Gran, Oscar and Great Gran!
Oscar loves his Great Granny
Reading to her Great Grandsons

Monday, August 02, 2010

Best birthday ever....followed by son of satan......

So yesterday, 1st August, was my 30somethingth birthday! And it was the best ever. I just have to say at this point that Rob has been amazing over the last few weeks with my op and everything. As well as looking after all of us, doing all the washing, keeping the house together etc....he also had time to buy me the best birthday present ever - an Ipod Touch 32gb....I've wanted one for ages and now I have my very own. Thanks to a wonderful husband and a generous bonus from his job. We also managed to get out to go to dinner the night before at Sapporo and had a lovely evening and loads of sushi (so glad he likes non-fish sushi now!)

Spent a lovely birthday - cake for breakfast as always (and really lovely cake from M&S for a change instead of the corner shop! Again Rob is a star) - then met my girlies for a lunch party at Royal China. I was so touched by everyone coming out to eat, buying me the most appropriate beautiful presents - in Katharine's case she made it - a ceramic glassfired bowl that I adore.....

Then off to bluewater - chauffered by the wonderful Clare - to go to the Apple Store and get a case and protector for my ipod. Then we just had to go to Starbucks...then we had to go to Krispy Kreme -where they gave me the wrong dozen doughnuts so when we went back to get the right ones we ended up keeping the wrong ones - 24 doughnuts - how happy were the boys?

Bubble bath ended the wonderful day - submerged my ankle for the first time and it was bliss. Last wedge of birthday cake and decaff earl grey while checking facebook from my bed. Perfect....

And then today.......

Woke up in agony - ankle very sore and swollen as I walked more yesterday than I had before. Also I think the front scar is infected so made an appointment to see the nurse this afternoon to get antibiotics. The only appointment available was when I have the boys so I was dreading it.

But to begin at the beginning. Boys were going into playscheme today as I had to work and I have to work every week for the next 3 weeks - on Monday, Tuesday and Friday. I'd arranged for them to go to the playscheme where I work - held in Toby's preschool but with different staff. Both were keen and excited to go this morning with their pack lunches. I taught my class then went to see my other Claire friend to plan our new outreach project which starts in September and do some admin work for her. She made me pancakes with natural yogurt and honey, then her 2 daughters made me a birthday cake and sparkly cards. And I did loads of her emails for her. And it was all lovely.....left to pick up the boys and descended into hell.

When I collected them the Playleader said she needed to speak to me about Toby. He'd behaved abysmally - hit almost every other child in the place, shouted at the staff, refused to do what he was told like sit down to eat, shouted at the staff when they tried to stop him jumping all over the place. I was mortified and embarrassed and had no idea what to do. I was furious with him. I told him off, explained that this was unacceptable - got him in the car where he cried for about ten minutes then calmed down.

Then we went to the park opposite the doctor's - we had half an hour to kill before my appointment and the boys played nicely with some other children. Went to the docs for my appointment at 3.40 - I arrived at 3.35......

The nurse eventually called me at 4.20. So I was in a tiny waiting room, getting tutted at by 2 old ladies - both boys were loud and rambunctious but not TOO bad - they just were bored stiff - AS WAS I! Totally fucking useless making me wait for over half an hour when all I wanted was a prescription. Once we were in teh doctors office the boys were climbing on the bed, playing with the curtains. Again - mortified and embarrassed.

I feel like the worst mother in the world today. I feel like I have NO control over my children. I feel useless and angry and humiliated. From having the perfect day yesterday to having the hellish afternoon.

And I've got to take them back to playscheme tomorrow. I'm going to make a behaviour chart for them and ask them to give him a smile or a frown for each hour - but not sure if they will be willing to do this. I can't think of anything else to do. I've just eaten 2 krispy kremes left over from yesterday and I feel marginally better but also marginally worse. HATE this. HATE this behaviour. HATE feeling powerless and useless when all I felt yesterday was magical and happy and lucky.....